Machi, I find myself having lesser and lesser things to look forward to in life. I am always down and have no directions. I miss you but I can't do anything about it. It is still very painful.
Teng dreamt of you again, and she said you cannot find lodao and ah ma in heaven. I believe that you have found them, because Jesus will show you the way. At times, I worried, I worried that you will be lonely, but I also know that Jesus is taking care of you, so I should not worry. And then I realise, when you were around, I always ignore you as well, we never had a lot to talk about. Never talk about anything really. I hide everything from you because I knew you will worry.
Do you know that I was never a happy person, I only appear to be happy. I have so many hatred in my heart, so much anger too. I am so angry at Siong for neglecting you. I am so angry at Boon for not letting Ariel come back, I told her to bring Ariel back so that you can see her. I am so angry at Teng for complaining that she has no money but the moment you left, she goes on a spending spree and also holiday spree. I don't know if I can ever forgive them, I know you will, but I really don't know if I can.
Dear Lord, please help me! I don't know what to do and I don't want to go on living like this. I might as well not live. Please show me what to do.
This saturday is my convocation. Will you watch me from heaven? I will look out for you, please give me a sign.
Teng dreamt of you again, and she said you cannot find lodao and ah ma in heaven. I believe that you have found them, because Jesus will show you the way. At times, I worried, I worried that you will be lonely, but I also know that Jesus is taking care of you, so I should not worry. And then I realise, when you were around, I always ignore you as well, we never had a lot to talk about. Never talk about anything really. I hide everything from you because I knew you will worry.
Do you know that I was never a happy person, I only appear to be happy. I have so many hatred in my heart, so much anger too. I am so angry at Siong for neglecting you. I am so angry at Boon for not letting Ariel come back, I told her to bring Ariel back so that you can see her. I am so angry at Teng for complaining that she has no money but the moment you left, she goes on a spending spree and also holiday spree. I don't know if I can ever forgive them, I know you will, but I really don't know if I can.
Dear Lord, please help me! I don't know what to do and I don't want to go on living like this. I might as well not live. Please show me what to do.
This saturday is my convocation. Will you watch me from heaven? I will look out for you, please give me a sign.
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