kolkata the next day

Currently sitting in the “top deck” restaurant in Kolkata’s airport, the restaurant is not bad… just ate a chicken burger, not that nice…

So the adventure of chasing a train was fun… but I was exhausted after that… can’t wake up this morning, I was supposed to leave the plant at 7:30, I woke up at 7:25… talking about express getting ready…

By the time I got out of the room, the driver has already returned with a fellow colleague with my e-ticket for the flight… I really feel bad that these people have to stay up in the night just because I missed my train… and they have to wake up so early to go to the office to print out my ticket… I guess I appreciate what they have done…

I slept most of the time on the way to Raipur’s airport… at the times when I was awake, I thought to myself, I could learn to like this place… the people aren’t that bad… only a few people have funny working attitudes, but in general, the people aren’t that bad at all…

The day before, I was chatting with a fellow colleague, and he asked if the other project manager is easy to work with… and I went “well, he is nice for an Indian…” and then I realized that I was talking to an Indian and my remarks were too racist… I guess I was always racist, and it’s bad, I should change… and he said “so you mean I am not nice?” searching for words quickly in my mind, I said, “no, his working style is a little different from the general Indian…” And again, I am being too racist here… and he said “oh, so he is different from me?” I looked at him and he said “I am jealous”… immediately I laughed…

Just last week, a fellow colleague from Indonesia told me the same line “I am jealous” but of course in a different context altogether… this colleague from Indonesia was jealous because I am too defensive of my colleague in India, and now the same guy is jealous because of some statement I made…

Men, in general are too hard to please… again, I am stereotyping the gender, but I can’t help it… men are hard to please, they only want to hear all the nice things about them, and they don’t want to hear if you said something that they don’t agree with…

So, they said that we the “weaker” gender does nothing but gossip… and we often talk about a 3rd party… I think that is being unfair… do we really only gossip and does nothing else? I don’t think it’s true, I sometimes engage myself in serious discussion about stuff, and I try to reflect on things and try to make myself a better person… I am sure all my sisters out there would agree with me, sometimes we too talk about politics, we talk about work, we talk about education, religion, music and many other things… and I don’t see all that as gossiping…

As I am typing, I am reflecting, on what to write, on what to say… I have a lot on my mind, but sentences are not forming… I guess I am still going through the depression stage; my mood swings are more evident than before… I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I don’t have any directions, and I don’t have motivations… maybe I am just tired… if I have unlimited supply of resources, I would stop working, and indulge myself in things that makes me smile… like keeping a dozen dogs, run a farm, listen to all my favourite songs without interference, drink coffee, play the guitar, spend some more time online to chat with people… or is this the withdrawal syndrome? I have not been spending so much time online lately… I missed chatting with tom, jaxe, don, benex and many others, people whom I never met, but are so sweet and nice… and most of all, I missed all the games I left behind, my character must have been so deserted and attacked a million times over, those character that I used to hit on, would have gained enough power to send my character to the bottom of the pits…

I was supposed to do some work, but I am lazy, too lazy to do things… I guess I better stop writing right now, otherwise, no one would bother to read…