i missed the train...

"are the the trains usually on time?" i asked a fellow colleague, "the trains are usually 30 mins late"...

so i left the plant at around 10 p.m., and the journey to the train station was approx. 1hr... so i arrived at the station at around 11 p.m. my train was schedule for 11:55 p.m. so i sat and wait for the train...they have told the driver to wait assist me to get on the train, so the driver waited with me... the train station was quiet, only a few souls waiting to hop on the train... as i sat there, i was being feasted on by a huge bunch of mosquitoes... the station was quiet, besides the music from my new mobile, xpressmusic 5800, occasionally some trains will pass, other than that, only 2 young men, chattering about who knows what... i started counting how many wagons each train has, some has 60 or so, and one locomotive that passed actually pulled some 20ft containers, and there were 90 of them, imagine how long that train is...

i was tired, and hot, and sweaty and also itchy too, thanks to the quitoes... sure enough the train was not on time, it came 1 day late... well, actually only 45 minutes late... so the driver told me to get ready... which i did, and then, we were trying to locate the coach i am supposed to get on... man, the coach was right behind, so he started to run, and i started to run... and then the train started to move, and we panic... as i was running, i pass by those so called sleeper class, and man, they are like sardines... really like those pictures i saw on the internet... it's scary... anyway, we ran and ran, and i never felt this tired before, not even after climbing 23 storeys those days back in kk... this is madness, at one point, i thot i would faint... those trains are long... when i finally saw my coach, they wouldn't let me get on, i wouldn't want to get on either, the train is moving, and to hop on like that could be disasterous (however you spell that word)...

so we drove back to the plant... and i was laughing about the whole incident... in fact, i am still laughing at it right now... i realised that i have changed... if it were to happen a few weeks before, i would be cursing, i hate change of plans... i would loose one day, it would mean that i may not be able to finish my work in jojobera on time... which may lead to extension of stays... but today, somehow, i can laugh about the whole thing... i guess, whatever happened in the pass 3-4 weeks has made and impact to my life... the fact that a loved one shatters my heart, a friend deciding that he doesn't want to be friends anymore, and the passing of a relative... all happening at the same time... i must say i was pretty much depressed, but i thank god for friends, for sisters who listened to me... who encourages me... i guess all those things that happened taught me a lesson in life... that life is always unpredictable... why must i be such a particular person? why must i be so demanding? what good does it make to anyone if i annoy them? i started to loose focus on my work, i started to talk to old friends... those emails from ernest certainly brought back some sweet memories, and the msn chats with andrew, oh they were hilarious, and max, how can i thank you more for always being there for me... i guess i regain the playful me... the one that is more carefree... the one who don't worry about what happens tomorrow... i start to tease people around me, make them feel good about themselves, flirt... this is me, this was the original me, i was like that, what made me change? circumstances? kiasu-ism?

i don't know if reverting to my old self is a good sign or not, but i think i am enjoying it more... i find being the old me more fun, less responsible, less accountable, less stress... i think i am going to dig a hole to bury the me trying so hard to be mature, to think right, to please people, to gain acceptance... i will let the old me, the child in me to live and take control... i think this way, my life would be easier...