caught in the middle

have you ever had the feeling that you know right from wrong, but you wanted to so badly do the wrong? i guess at one time or another each of us has been through that phase of life... our moral values teaches us the right from the wrong, and yet, the inner us, wanted the wrong instead of the right...

just recently, there has been news about VSS in the office... most of us, the local staff are all affected... the office will be shifted to beijing, and since i know this from quite long ago, i cannot say that i did not see this coming... i guess i was already mentally prepared, and i take this news quite well... but at the same time i have my commitments and i need to pay bills... i am torn between my needs and my wants... i wanted so badly to take a break, i keep telling everyone that if i loose my job, i can finally take the well deserved break... but on the other hand, i needed the job to keep going... who's going to pay my bills? who's going to pay the housing loan? the car loan? man, i owe the bank over half a million, and if i loose my job, how on earth am i going to settle the debts?

i am trying to stay focus in all this mess, but i think i am loosing it... as i speak more with my colleagues, and as i think more and more about it, i may not be so focus afterall... again, i have the comfort that God will provide for all my needs... what about my wants? i guess i should not be greedy... i should be happy if my needs are provided for...

just aim to do the right, and let go of the wrongs... things will be better soon, there will be light at the end of the tunnel... when you are this low in the pit, things can only get better... focus on the right, and let go of the wrong... focus... focus... stay focus... caught in the middle still...