Kolkata July 14, 2007

Today is a Saturday and after a year, this is the 1st Saturday that I have to work… what a shame… ok, that’s not the point…

I have not written anything since I came to India, reason being I am so confused… I cannot describe this country, it’s joy and misery all in one… the hotel that I stayed in looks like a palace, the room is huge, one of the best I’ve stayed in…

Outside, it’s a different world… people are begging, struggling and suffering… people had not enough to eat, people sleeping by the road side… on the way to Kolkata, in the plane I was reading this piece of article about sugar cane farmers… more and more farmers are committing suicide because they cannot make enough to pay their debts. People kill themselves so that their family members can get some sort of subsidy to pay off the loan… if the remain alive, they will not get this subsidy from the authority… one man left behind a widow who earns 20 rupees per day… that’s 600 rupees per month, if they don’t fall sick… I was almost in tears, and the steward was worried of me, keep asking me, what else I want, how am I, etc. they even gave me a small bottle of red wine to take away…

Now every time I ordered an expensive meal (not that I purposely ordered, but it’s just expensive, imagine 2 scrambled eggs cost you 225 rupees), I will feel so guilty, breakfast at the hotel costs around 500 rupees, and dinner can cost as high as 1000 rupees, enough to feed a family for a month…

On Thursday, when we went out for lunch, a girl was begging for money outside the car… I didn’t look, it’s pitiful, I was with some colleagues, I was afraid that I’ll be in tears. Then yesterday, an old man, only has skins to clad to his bones, was begging outside the car, came by my window, I didn’t know what to do, I wanted to give him some money but I was afraid, that more will come, and I didn’t want to give the driver a wrong impression, that I am this silly (although I am silly) gurl, cannot wait to get rid of her money… but this old man really touched me, I can’t stop thinking about him, I felt so bad that I was so cautious, I should’ve just given him some money…

“Dear God, please bless this place, bless the people, break the stronghold, give them revival Lord, protect them and reveal to them Your plans and Your Kingdom, that they may experience the Love, and that they may have a hope and a future, Amen”