confused

here i am sitting in my office at 2:45 p.m. i have no idea what life is, i have no idea where i am heading to, i have no idea what i want... there is this mixed up feeling all stirred up inside me...

since hubby went to qatar the other day, i have spent my weekends alone, most of the time i'll be spending most of my time in front the computer, last week was not any different... i guess this quiet time i spent in front of my computer makes me think, and i think i think too much, way too much...

this morning i woke up as usual, and drove to work, i reach the office pretty early, and i did my usual stuff, you know, vampires, knights, techs, and the latest craze, bananas... as i was doing my things, gregoire, (nice name right? i like that name too...) walked in to the office and he left his stuff on his table and walked over to me and said good morning... he is good looking, very good looking, but he is seldom in the office because he spends most of his time in Vietnam... i guess after this he'll spend more time here since his project in Vietnam is considered completed... ok, that is not my point, what i was trying to say is, he looked so tired and aged... i don't know why, i am getting this feeling all inside me, i don't want to be like that when i am that age... these people are working too hard, i guess... and this is bad...

during lunch, i snaked out to visit a friend, she just had a baby about 5 weeks ago, so we went to visit her... and the usual lecture i get, was like?!? part of me wanted a baby too but the fact that i am such a lousy person will not make me a good mum... i know i won't be a good mum and i know i will not do a good job, so why the trouble? furthermore, hubby will not be around too much later, so if i get preggy, who's going to take care of me?