sigh... something's not right somewhere... these few weeks, the mood swing is getting bad... some times i will feel like i'm on the top of the world and sometimes i will be in the worst of my nightmares...
and there is a stupid feeling inside of me... as if i need to do something... i know what i need to do, but no one is willing to discuss with me... i need to plan something... but no one is willing to listen... i wanted to plan my funeral, whether i should be buried or cremated... but everytime i bring the topic up, people around me is telling me to shut up and stop talking nonsense... i realised that not many people plan this in advance, and that is why usually the deceased family members have to do all these in hurry... often letting companies that run businesses like this profit big time... i think everyone should have a say whether they prefer cremation or burial... where they want to do it... the financial impact of it all, so that enough money is set aside for this, and that family members whose already so devastated need not worry about this anymore... but why? why? why would no one listen to me?
everyone dies sooner or later, and this is something no one can avoid... so what is the problem of talking about it? discussing it? and plans ahead so that the process is less shocking? if there are things that needed to be done, words to be said, at least someone is there to pass the message to the people you leave behind, but no one is willing to do this in advance...
today, back in 2003, i lost my father... it was a sudden... no one understood why... i went to the grave earlier today, cleaned it up a little... i remembered my father was a man who likes it clean... he would wake up at 5 every morning, to sweep and mop the floor... it has been over 3 years since i last went to his grave... i always managed to find an excuse why not to go... i will be broken everytime i go, i am trying to hide, but i know i have to face it... has been 6 years, but it seemed like yesterday... i asked myself the same question today, but i will never know the answer... "have you forgiven me?"... i don't deserve to be forgiven... but i still seek to know... i have to wait... until i see you again...
i saw by the side of his grave was an empty lot, maybe i should go buy that lot, maybe i can be buried there... with my parents... my mom's lot has also been reserved for her by his side... so, just maybe i will go and reserve that lot next to his, for myself... but... i have not decided if i want to be cremated... i was reading up on wiki yesterday, cremation may be more environmental friendly... and since i am a tree hugger... maybe i would prefer the environmental friendly way... but i cannot make up my mind, i cannot decide... no one would discuss with me... if you are my friend, give me some feedback...
Pengalaman Bersalin di HSA
10 years ago
2 comments:
Go buy the land. Decide later and put in will whether cremate or bury.
No need to think which was is environmentally friendly...after all, it is a case of "dust to dust". Bothways, still dust. Cremation needs lots of fire...all those heat wasted just to burn up wood and turn it to ashes.
Have not found anything in bible about cremation.
Though, in olden days, the only burning was for witches!
ya, bible said nothing about cremation... which also mean that it has nothing against it?
ok, i go visit the church and ask for the pricing of that lot next to my dad's... wonder if they also think that i am nutz
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