caught in the middle

have you ever had the feeling that you know right from wrong, but you wanted to so badly do the wrong? i guess at one time or another each of us has been through that phase of life... our moral values teaches us the right from the wrong, and yet, the inner us, wanted the wrong instead of the right...

just recently, there has been news about VSS in the office... most of us, the local staff are all affected... the office will be shifted to beijing, and since i know this from quite long ago, i cannot say that i did not see this coming... i guess i was already mentally prepared, and i take this news quite well... but at the same time i have my commitments and i need to pay bills... i am torn between my needs and my wants... i wanted so badly to take a break, i keep telling everyone that if i loose my job, i can finally take the well deserved break... but on the other hand, i needed the job to keep going... who's going to pay my bills? who's going to pay the housing loan? the car loan? man, i owe the bank over half a million, and if i loose my job, how on earth am i going to settle the debts?

i am trying to stay focus in all this mess, but i think i am loosing it... as i speak more with my colleagues, and as i think more and more about it, i may not be so focus afterall... again, i have the comfort that God will provide for all my needs... what about my wants? i guess i should not be greedy... i should be happy if my needs are provided for...

just aim to do the right, and let go of the wrongs... things will be better soon, there will be light at the end of the tunnel... when you are this low in the pit, things can only get better... focus on the right, and let go of the wrong... focus... focus... stay focus... caught in the middle still...

watermelon watermelon

after dinner, me and hubby had watermelon for dessert...

it has been sometime since i consumed watermelon in this manner... cut into halves, and the dig into it with a spoon... eating the melon this way brings back sweet memories from the past... me and hubby were still dating, and we were staying in mersing, for the army camp project... we used to eat watermelons this way... and it was fun i supposed... sometimes we would only eat watermelon for dinner... those were the days when we were still young, some 8 years ago...

as we grew, we stop doing stupid stuff... like driving to nowhere... like playing games on tv til morning... stupid stuff that we enjoyed doing... we became obsessed with work, with earning, with providing, with many other stuff and we forgot what we like, we forgot what made us laugh...

i must say that i miss those days, those days that we didn't have money to buy expensive stuff (not that we had a lot now)... those days we would be calculating our salaries, and we would try to budget out everything... but those days, we're more carefree... more relax, not chasing after some false comfort... those were the days, that we argued about stupid stuff and made up soon after... those were the days...

the kid in me

just the other day in delhi, the supplier gave us all a souvenir... i got this nice looking ladies watch, by Titan... the watch is classy and all... but it's not my type...

on thursday, hubby and i went to starhill and pavillion... we were passing by some shops selling some hairclips, they are gorgeous... and not to mention expensive too... hubby asked, wanna buy? i said, too lady like for me... the promoter just stared at me in disgust...

i guess i am just not that kind of girl... when i see a nice LV or Prada, i just see... well, maybe because i cannot afford it, so i don't seemed interested, but then again, it's just not my type... i would rather wear a swatch over some branded time pieces like cartier... i'd choose reebok over some expensive shoes like LV... i'd choose to play my psp over reading some fashion magazines...

i supposed i am still a kid afterall... and when will i grow up?

can't wait to go home

today will be my final day in india, after about 10 days... can't wait to go home... and like usual, on the last day of missions like this, there is no more mood whatsoever to work... my heart has already flown home...

my mission in delhi is almost completed, one more final document to review, and i am done...

i was having breakfast at the hotel this morning, and i realised that some of the people working there are very good looking... one guy in particular, jacob, he looks like a malaysian chinese, but pathma told that he is most probably from himachal... the northern part of india, where it's cold and nice... and people are all good looking... we used to have a project in study phase in himachal, thierry was the project manager, but i guess the project was shelved due to the economy conditions... well, hope that projects somehow move and kick off, so that i can at least have a chance to visit that place and see for myself, if all the people are really good looking...

this guy named zack...

on my way from kolkata to delhi on sunday, i met this guy name zack fair on the flight... he is a soldier... and, he is so so so good looking... almost unreal... flawless, and his features... out of this world... i think i am in love... how can anyone be so perfect? he has this cheerful attitude, but sometimes a little over-confident... his eyes, dazzling, his smile, oh, what's the word? captivating... his hair, soft... i told you, he was unreal...

well, he is unreal indeed, zack, is a character in this new game i started to play, the game is not new, but i am new at playing it... final fantasy, crisis core... like all other heros in the final fantasy series, he is gorgeous... well, it would look like the game is similar to all other FF games... similarly additive... i don't understand myself, these games are basically fighting monsters and they are so similar, and yet, game after game, i am addicted to it... i spent so many hours playing the game last nite, and now i am so sleepy...

can't wait to go back to the hotel and play this game again... my new found love zack fair...