no more in the middle

thanks to all of you who showed concern... max, jaxe, huilin, andrew, ailing, siggle, and self-restrained... i am not dying as yet, but sometimes, wish that i can speed up the process...

so i spoke to my boss about the vss, and i told him that i will take the vss now and not go to india... and then i proposed that i will go if he gives me a different contract... and then like usual, he tries to brainwash me... but in the end, he said he will let me know in 2 weeks time what his decision is...

so, i am prepared to loose my job. and i don't care... i am not bothered and i don't want to think anymore... so i am leaving it to god... and i trust that he will provide...

caught in the middle (part 2)

with the vss going around, and all my boss has got to offer me, i am caught in the middle again... many people had many opinion... but the one opinion i needed the most from the person that mattered the most, has not come...

there are people who told me to take vss, get hold of the money, and then trust god with the rest... there are people who calculated the odds and told me to take the offer to go to india and then after the completion of the project, it will be easier to get another job, and the situation will be better...

i have had plenty chat sessions with many people about this, and the best one was with max... i was chatting with him, and he calculated the odds... and then he said, afterall only one year in india, it can't be that bad... one year is a very short time, given the way i work, i won't even realise that the time has gone... and i said... i may die within the one year too rite?

he reprimanded me for saying such things... like usual, the sweet and nice max... he cared... and then i asked, would you cry if i die? he said he will be very sad... but he is not sure if he would cry... and then i asked him, would you miss me? he said, "i don't want anything bad to happen to you"...

and then i put the question as my personal message on msn... jaxe was really concerned, the moment he came online, he said "jiejie don't die"... it's funny, for a guy who never met me... for a guy who don't even know if i am really real... could care... and people who know me personally, are not even bothered...

caught in the middle

have you ever had the feeling that you know right from wrong, but you wanted to so badly do the wrong? i guess at one time or another each of us has been through that phase of life... our moral values teaches us the right from the wrong, and yet, the inner us, wanted the wrong instead of the right...

just recently, there has been news about VSS in the office... most of us, the local staff are all affected... the office will be shifted to beijing, and since i know this from quite long ago, i cannot say that i did not see this coming... i guess i was already mentally prepared, and i take this news quite well... but at the same time i have my commitments and i need to pay bills... i am torn between my needs and my wants... i wanted so badly to take a break, i keep telling everyone that if i loose my job, i can finally take the well deserved break... but on the other hand, i needed the job to keep going... who's going to pay my bills? who's going to pay the housing loan? the car loan? man, i owe the bank over half a million, and if i loose my job, how on earth am i going to settle the debts?

i am trying to stay focus in all this mess, but i think i am loosing it... as i speak more with my colleagues, and as i think more and more about it, i may not be so focus afterall... again, i have the comfort that God will provide for all my needs... what about my wants? i guess i should not be greedy... i should be happy if my needs are provided for...

just aim to do the right, and let go of the wrongs... things will be better soon, there will be light at the end of the tunnel... when you are this low in the pit, things can only get better... focus on the right, and let go of the wrong... focus... focus... stay focus... caught in the middle still...

watermelon watermelon

after dinner, me and hubby had watermelon for dessert...

it has been sometime since i consumed watermelon in this manner... cut into halves, and the dig into it with a spoon... eating the melon this way brings back sweet memories from the past... me and hubby were still dating, and we were staying in mersing, for the army camp project... we used to eat watermelons this way... and it was fun i supposed... sometimes we would only eat watermelon for dinner... those were the days when we were still young, some 8 years ago...

as we grew, we stop doing stupid stuff... like driving to nowhere... like playing games on tv til morning... stupid stuff that we enjoyed doing... we became obsessed with work, with earning, with providing, with many other stuff and we forgot what we like, we forgot what made us laugh...

i must say that i miss those days, those days that we didn't have money to buy expensive stuff (not that we had a lot now)... those days we would be calculating our salaries, and we would try to budget out everything... but those days, we're more carefree... more relax, not chasing after some false comfort... those were the days, that we argued about stupid stuff and made up soon after... those were the days...

the kid in me

just the other day in delhi, the supplier gave us all a souvenir... i got this nice looking ladies watch, by Titan... the watch is classy and all... but it's not my type...

on thursday, hubby and i went to starhill and pavillion... we were passing by some shops selling some hairclips, they are gorgeous... and not to mention expensive too... hubby asked, wanna buy? i said, too lady like for me... the promoter just stared at me in disgust...

i guess i am just not that kind of girl... when i see a nice LV or Prada, i just see... well, maybe because i cannot afford it, so i don't seemed interested, but then again, it's just not my type... i would rather wear a swatch over some branded time pieces like cartier... i'd choose reebok over some expensive shoes like LV... i'd choose to play my psp over reading some fashion magazines...

i supposed i am still a kid afterall... and when will i grow up?