it's all my fault...

Your top priority is Lhoknga… I believe I heard right, this is not the 1st time I am hearing this, I’m cool with it…

But what I am not cool with is, why tell me now that this is my top priority? A year ago, when I asked for more involvement in this project, answer was “NO, we have a site planner, you only need to be involved up to the time when the contract is awarded” so, contract has been awarded for a year, I am not involved in this project directly, I have not attended to any project meeting, suddenly, boss came up to me and told me “other than Jacques, you are the only one who is in the middle of everything”… since when have I been in the middle of everything? Since when this has become my baby?

I was involved in the beginning stage, and then it was instructed that I hand over to the site guy… which I did, and then the site guy resigned, I was asked to take over from him until they find a replacement… when they found a replacement, I was not informed. There was no handing over whatsoever… naturally that guy at site have not a single idea of what is going on… and then I was told to take my hands off this project, which is fine, because I need to work on a few other Indian projects…

And then, out of the blue, the told me that they’ve engaged an expert from Switzerland to do up a project plan, and I was told to tag along to assist him to get the info… and the tagging along process ended rather bad for me, because I ended up being the one who does everything… the site guy commented “this is not my work” and the expert said, “well, it looks like you have to do it”… I didn’t complain, although I really am upset over the whole thing, after I completed my assignment, the expert just mail that stupid thing to my boss and assume that he has done all the work… and he gets paid like don’t know how many umpteen thousands of Euros… and I get peanuts…

After that, I was asked to revised his work according to the site conditions, and then I started digging for all available information… a lot of information are missing… so I questioned the designer, I questioned the technical managers, and I cannot get answers… so, it is my fault that information are missing?

the expeditor missed a date, and I was blamed for not highlighting it? How can I highlight anything when the information is not available? I am supposed to run a look ahead to know what are the tasks that should be taking place, but how the hell would I know if I don’t have complete information?

The award of the equipment erectors has not been done and this is my fault? I planned to have erection works in March ‘08, so people, get it awarded before March…

I asked for a progress update from site and got a reply after 5 e-mails… I asked for schedule update from suppliers and contractors, and I have not got a single reply, so what am I supposed to do? A mission was planned for next week, but it was not confirmed, and this is my fault? Damn, everything is my fault! I need confirmation like there are actually people working before I go to site, what is the point of going to site when there is no one working? The steel structures came down, and thank god, for once, this is not my fault… but is there a stop work order? If there is, what is the point of going to site? When I asked for confirmation of mission, I have no reply, and this is my fault again… man, my job really sucks…

I cannot have information at my finger tips when I have no idea what goes on where… I cannot be in the project for one day and out the next day, and still know every single detail of the project, like when the next shipment will arrive… why would I need to be doing all this, when this should be done at site level? Why would be doing this when you are already paying someone at site to do it? And to make the matter worst, the guy at site gets paid more than me… I really get peanuts… so I guess that makes me a monkey… as the saying goes “if you pay peanuts, you get monkey”...

i think it's time for me to say "this is not my job"... i think this is really over and above my original scope...

rules to a happy marriage...

heard this on the radio this morning, i think it's funny...

if you want a happy marriage, guys, you'll have to follow this fool-proof rules...

rule 1: your wife is always right
rule 2: when you think that she is wrong, refer to rule no. 1
rule 3: when she admits that she is wrong, refer to rule no. 1

guess this works for a boy-girl relationship too...

this is even better...

and i thot my murderer example was good, but i guess i liked this better...

getting x* to 'help' is like having a rapist rape your daughters, several of them leaving home for good, and then having that rapist come back to you and say 'hey, sorry, i was just mad at you. let me make it up by taking your daughters to dinner. oh, by the way, i still hate you."

*names removed for good.

Recent events have unfolded a few ugly truths about people… The most amazing part of it all is, one person destroys and yet blames another person for all his actions… and people are buying the story…

Well, to me it’s as simple as this… A man kills another man and his whole family, plead innocent in front of a judge, his defense is, the dead man has a bad problem, and I am killing the whole family to wake him up, I have full intention of reviving his family after that, and the judge ruled, “NOT GUILTY, now go revive the family, it wasn’t the murderer faults, the dead man bring this upon himself and his family, so dead man, you are GUILTY and be subjected to eternal judgment”… It is clear that no one can revive the dead, and the damages done are beyond repair, but people are still naïve enough to think that the revival is possible.

Of course, the recent event did not kill anyone at all, but spirits are burnt and tormented, and if this man or any of his friends who buy his stories thinks that he can repair all the damages, they can try… but my point is, when a mirroris broken, even if you managed to stick it back to one piece, the scar is still evident. Even if the man succeeds in reviving everyone that was innocently implicated, will the wound heal? For me, I would rather stay dead than to “owe” the man who has caused all this, a favor, because he revived me.

With this point made, I now rest in eternal peace!

worst weekend in a long time

most of you already know, i play games online... i spent too much time online, i hardly go out, i hardly open my mouth to speak, all i do is face the computer, whether at home or at work...

on friday, as i was waiting to go the project review meeting, hubby messaged me and told me that i was kicked out of a guild, in one of the games that i played, i was wondering, why? as i cannot access to the game while at work, i have to wait until i go home, and since that stupid meeting was postponed to later that evening, i can't go home...

when i was in that meeting, my heart and mind was not in it, i have no way of answering anything the managers said, and they then decided that i need to go to aceh to better evaluate the progress... which means, i am going to aceh again, aww... my evening has just turned from bad to worse...

anyway, the meeting was adjourned early, all thanks to me... coming out of the meeting i managed to speak to hubby again, and he told me all the stuff he knew that was happening to the guild, in the game...

i rushed home and the 1st thing i did was to login to the game and see for myself... the kick from the guild was done by someone we trusted, all just because he was not happy with one person. man! i was devastated, it suddenly dawned on me that this is no longer a game, the people that were in it is like family, all with a common interest, all devastated over an event, and event that can never be undone, and event that causes many to loose heart... i guess i was one of them...

some of you reading this may say that "you are indeed the silliest thing", but i tell you, i am not, i spent many hours and effort in that game, and the people i met are real people, and it hurts to see great players like them leave the game, all because some people are cannot think properly...

enough said, i am still recuperating from the event... still pissed...