my weekend

weekends are too short... why do we need to work 5 days a week? why not make it 4?

slept through saturday... went for breakfast and then tesco for some marketing... in the afternoon, thot we wanted to go baskin robbins for ice cream... but we ended up in jusco and had japanese food for lunch instead... and then we head on to jusco for more marketing... saturday's dinner was popiah and tong yuen...

made sandwich for sunday's breaky... went to church and the lunch with peter... dinner was supposed to be steamboat in my aunty's place, but i got angry with i dunno what, ended up dinner in burger king...

came back and took my hula hoop... and started to play with it... boy, can't do more than 60 at any one time... i remembered hula hooping with budak kecik and notty back when we were still staying together... we could go on and on without stopping... and today i can only do 60? i am determined to achieve what i did before... i think with some practice i will succeed... but this bring back memories... i miss my dear budak kecik and notty so much... although pontian and zelan wasn't exactly my favourite project and town... but you 2 are definitely my favourite colleagues and housemates!!! girls, when do u think we can hang out together again? do some cooking? chat? coffee?

depression mode

sigh... something's not right somewhere... these few weeks, the mood swing is getting bad... some times i will feel like i'm on the top of the world and sometimes i will be in the worst of my nightmares...

and there is a stupid feeling inside of me... as if i need to do something... i know what i need to do, but no one is willing to discuss with me... i need to plan something... but no one is willing to listen... i wanted to plan my funeral, whether i should be buried or cremated... but everytime i bring the topic up, people around me is telling me to shut up and stop talking nonsense... i realised that not many people plan this in advance, and that is why usually the deceased family members have to do all these in hurry... often letting companies that run businesses like this profit big time... i think everyone should have a say whether they prefer cremation or burial... where they want to do it... the financial impact of it all, so that enough money is set aside for this, and that family members whose already so devastated need not worry about this anymore... but why? why? why would no one listen to me?

everyone dies sooner or later, and this is something no one can avoid... so what is the problem of talking about it? discussing it? and plans ahead so that the process is less shocking? if there are things that needed to be done, words to be said, at least someone is there to pass the message to the people you leave behind, but no one is willing to do this in advance...

today, back in 2003, i lost my father... it was a sudden... no one understood why... i went to the grave earlier today, cleaned it up a little... i remembered my father was a man who likes it clean... he would wake up at 5 every morning, to sweep and mop the floor... it has been over 3 years since i last went to his grave... i always managed to find an excuse why not to go... i will be broken everytime i go, i am trying to hide, but i know i have to face it... has been 6 years, but it seemed like yesterday... i asked myself the same question today, but i will never know the answer... "have you forgiven me?"... i don't deserve to be forgiven... but i still seek to know... i have to wait... until i see you again...

i saw by the side of his grave was an empty lot, maybe i should go buy that lot, maybe i can be buried there... with my parents... my mom's lot has also been reserved for her by his side... so, just maybe i will go and reserve that lot next to his, for myself... but... i have not decided if i want to be cremated... i was reading up on wiki yesterday, cremation may be more environmental friendly... and since i am a tree hugger... maybe i would prefer the environmental friendly way... but i cannot make up my mind, i cannot decide... no one would discuss with me... if you are my friend, give me some feedback...

a dinner with the relatives

my mom has a cousin who has left to stay in canada many many years ago... he came back to throw a dinner because his daughter got married... the last time i met this uncle of mine was around 16 years ago...

my uncle is still very handsome as i remembered him to be... i remembered as a little girl, he used to take me out and buy stuff for me... and suddenly i realised that i missed him so much... at the end of the dinner, he came over and hugged me, i must say that it felt good... i never knew it can feel so good to hug someone you love... i am not the kind of person who hug others... i don't even hug my own mother... being brought up in a "traditional" chinese family, hugging is not very much a common practice...

photos...

i realised that i talk a lot... so here are some photos i've taken along my walk...

these are the usual flowers i get on the desk of oberoi... sometimes red sometimes yellow...

one of those views i get on the plane... this one was taken on my way to delhi... beautiful... God is such an artist...

the quiet train station... the one where i waited for many hours and yet still missed it...

the empty land along the journey from jamshedpur to kolkata...

the nice views behind batu caves... never imagined such a nice place around KL...

the arrival terminal at jamshedpur... hahaha... only a white board!

my 1st kite... today hubby bought me a kite and we went to fly a kite... and i was singing "let's go fly a kite..." the mary poppins' song...

home sweet home

finally got home after a long long journey...

the train from jamshedpur was late... so the four of us stood at the train station and waited for more than 1.5 hrs... it was hot but not dry... so we were sweating away... while we were waiting, so many people came to beg for money... we just stood there, ignoring them, not an easy task... some of the kids looked so pitiful... and the project manager said "and some people question the credibility of slumdog millionaire"... pathma gave away some money, i think he cannot stand the looked on the kids' faces... as for me, i guess i was cruel... i just stood there and ignored them...

when the train finally arrived, we were struggling to get on it... and the project manager was the 1st to get on the train, and i was behind him... and like the usual, some people cut in front of me... and the project manager... he is so nice and sweet... he got on the train, took his baggage up, turned back and grab mine... and of course the couple who cut in between us did not let me go in front of them, so the poor PM has to handle 2 luggages in the train... and mine isn't exactly small and light... frankly, no one in the office was that nice to me before... reaching where we were supposed to sit, he took the luggages and put it on the overhead racks... and upon arrival, he took it down for me as well... and then getting off from the train, he got down and then took all the luggages down... he is so sweet...

well, i've travelled with some PMs and some of the other guys in the office before... some are nice, some not so nice... thierry was a quite a good companion, i remembered i went to tanjung bin once with him, and then he drove from the airport to ptp, and we were supposed to get the gate passes at the port authority... so we all went to take the passes... on the way back, we were supposed to get our id cards back, and he said, you just wait in the car, i'll do it, so he took our passes, jumped down and came back with all our ids...

richard was a normal companion, he takes care of himself... nothing special about travelling with him, except he takes way too many cigarette breaks... ashwani... was an "ok" travel companion, except he doesn't like to pick up the bills... everything is claimable, but he will make sure he make someone else pay for it and claims... nick was a good travel companion, not that i travelled much with him, but he was caring... i remembered once i went to aceh with him, but i was supposed to leave earlier than him, so before i leave for the airport, i went to see him to give him the slips to claim the airport tax... he paid the taxes for me earlier that morning, so i gave the slips to him so that he can claim... and then he asked "do you have money to go back? do you need some cash?"... i was like, eh, no one asked me that in a long time... deepak, well, when i travelled with him, he ignored me while we were in the airport, but since we took the same taxi to the plant, he made me work in the taxi! not exactly a good candidate to travel with... but bidyut... aww, so sweet and nice and caring and thoughtful...

some people in the office are very nice to work with, some not so... among those i like to deal with are ong, thierry, nick, bidyut, huilin, faridah and that is about it... others are ok, some not so nice... but in general the team works quite well together... also one of the reasons why i felt so sad about the shifting of office to beijing...

on the last day of the kooc seminar, they gave out these pens to the people who have presented... so they gave a me a set as a token of appreciation... i took it, and then a fellow colleague told me that i should share it with him, i said "you can have it all" and i gave the whole box to him... and he said no, he only wants to share... i said no, i will not share, if he wants it, he has to take it all... so he did not take it... the next morning, he sent an sms saying that i still owe him half my gift... i ignored his sms, but when i went to the office, i gave him the whole box, still wrapped and unopened, and told him the same thing... and we had a good debate about sharing and not sharing... so i said, whatever i gave out i won't take back, do whatever you want with it... and left the box on the table... i just don't understand some people, what is in the box than he wants so badly? and if he wants it so badly, why want to pretend to be shy and only wants half... well, of course i know why he wants half... some unspeakable reason... some reason so absurd...

and i wonder to myself when i was on the train... i think we as humans just like to covet what belongs to others... the grass is always greener on the other side... therefore, other people's husband is always better than our own, other's wife is always sweeter and nicer than our own... other's job is better, other people have a better life, a better way of living, a better family background, everything that is not ours is always better... sigh... when do we learn that we should be happy with what we have?

kooc seminar

today is the last day of the 3-day kooc program... yes, it's kooc and not cook... it was not a spelling error... kooc stands for kick-off operational coaching... at the end of the session, i still have no idea what the whole program is about...

so a little update of what happened in the last few days... i left for india on sunday evening, with the whole group... i thought there was only 5 of us, but then we ran into the atc team as well, but they were heading elsewhere tho', only the same flight... on the way to bangkok, the flight was good... food was ok, and i watched hotel for dogs... didn't finish since the flight was too short... was hoping that the flight from bangkok to kolkata had that, but unfortunately no... i was wondering if i will ever be rich enough to run a hotel like that...

the train ride from kolkata was the same as before... except i was sitting next to the PM... which makes it a little uncomfortable... but the PM is a nice guy... i was romancing with zack on the way... and the PM was nicely sleeping away... cloud has made his entrance to the show... we'll he is pretty cute too, just not as cute as zack... well, cloud looks a little boyish... while zack... amazing smile... and he never seem to loose his smile... i so wish he is real... but i did meet a real person with an amazing smile too, i'll get to that later...

upon arrival at the tata train station, there was a huge human traffic jam... i was struggling to get my luggage across, and then after sometime, i saw the PM making his way up back towards me, although he was already far ahead, and i thought he left something behind or something... he came to me, and then, pick my luggage up and told me "let me help you, it's a bit difficult to get through in this condition"... awww... so sweet of him...

so, the objective of my mission was to attend the kooc, and it was a 3-day program starting from tuesday through thursday... i met the team i will be working with, all men... some of which are quite annoying, some quite young and good looking too... but all of them are well, indians... i dunno if i can ever stand working with them... but that is not my point... the guy who was training us, man... i've never seen a real person with such a beautiful smile... i mean, he is not good looking or anything, but the smile... gosh... can kill...

now that the seminar is over, i am glad, but i have no idea what i gathered... anyway, tomorrow is another day, half a day of meetings and the off i go home... but i will be spending many many many hours in transit... i only get to reach home on saturday afternoon...

i want to thank those people that made my stay here more pleasant... all those smses that came my way helped me pass from day to day... although not all are pleasant news... i really really love all of you guys, all my dearest friends... i dunno where i'll be without all of you... love you all a lot!

happy mother's day

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY... I LOVE U MOM

taipan usj...

budak kecik paid me a visit today... so sweet of her... she is such a darling... she took the comuter to subang, and we picked her up and headed to leo's... initially we wanted to go the leo's in ss2, but took a wrong turn, so we ended up in the leo's in taipan, usj... why leo's... well, we've been craving for the encholata for a long time, and since the leo's in bukit tinggi closed, i have not had one for over a year...

anyway, being in taipan does bring back some memories... this is only the 2nd time i am there, the 1st time was when i was what? 19? i think this guy chee yong, took me there, he stayed in one of those apartments when he was working here...

chee yong was a guy i knew when i was like 16 or 17... i knew him when i was working in ocean... and he was like 8 years older than i was... we went out for dates several times, and when he told me to be his girlfriend, i told him that i needed to study 1st... he took the rejection very well, and respected my decision... but of course, he waited for me to finish my SPM and then asked again... i told him the same answer, and then he waited for me to finish my STPM and he asked again, and i told him the same answer... we remained friends all those years... he never pushed his luck... he was a nice guy...

the day that he took me to his apartment, i told him that i was going to sabah for my uni, and he was depressed... and he said that he will wait for me to finish my degree... i told him, that if he waited that long, i would date him when i complete my degree... eh, i was touched by his perseverance... so many times i told him that i needed to study, so many times he waited... but at the same time i regretted telling him that i would date him... while i was in the uni, he will still send me cards, and letters... most of which i replied... i like this guy, he is a darling... and then i started dating ernest, and i told him that... i think somewhere along those lines, we stopped communicating, and i was ok with it... since i didn't really want him to wait... if he did, i would need to date him, a promise is a promise...

today, going back to taipan, suddenly brings back memories of him... i wonder, how he is... what is he doing right now? where is he? well, i hope that everything is fine with you... i missed you and i am so sorry that i misled you so many times over... you are a great guy and i am really blessed to have known you...

no more in the middle

thanks to all of you who showed concern... max, jaxe, huilin, andrew, ailing, siggle, and self-restrained... i am not dying as yet, but sometimes, wish that i can speed up the process...

so i spoke to my boss about the vss, and i told him that i will take the vss now and not go to india... and then i proposed that i will go if he gives me a different contract... and then like usual, he tries to brainwash me... but in the end, he said he will let me know in 2 weeks time what his decision is...

so, i am prepared to loose my job. and i don't care... i am not bothered and i don't want to think anymore... so i am leaving it to god... and i trust that he will provide...

caught in the middle (part 2)

with the vss going around, and all my boss has got to offer me, i am caught in the middle again... many people had many opinion... but the one opinion i needed the most from the person that mattered the most, has not come...

there are people who told me to take vss, get hold of the money, and then trust god with the rest... there are people who calculated the odds and told me to take the offer to go to india and then after the completion of the project, it will be easier to get another job, and the situation will be better...

i have had plenty chat sessions with many people about this, and the best one was with max... i was chatting with him, and he calculated the odds... and then he said, afterall only one year in india, it can't be that bad... one year is a very short time, given the way i work, i won't even realise that the time has gone... and i said... i may die within the one year too rite?

he reprimanded me for saying such things... like usual, the sweet and nice max... he cared... and then i asked, would you cry if i die? he said he will be very sad... but he is not sure if he would cry... and then i asked him, would you miss me? he said, "i don't want anything bad to happen to you"...

and then i put the question as my personal message on msn... jaxe was really concerned, the moment he came online, he said "jiejie don't die"... it's funny, for a guy who never met me... for a guy who don't even know if i am really real... could care... and people who know me personally, are not even bothered...